Regreso

I am so jetlagged that I am about to fall asleep in a messy pile on my bed, but I can't resist posting a few pictures from my recent trip to China. As always, I was especially interested in the food there, and I feel that I will be writing many posts in the coming weeks about the Chinese way of eating. Asian food is so vast and so varied, it is delightful and bewildering at once. And I am just beginning to scratch the surface.

To those who were concerned: this trip was just the respite that I needed from my research job, and the criticisms that I face there. Tomorrow I'm talking to my supervisor again, and we'll see how things can go from here on out. Deep inside I still feel like there is something wrong with this entire situation -- the way that I see myself is so different from how they see me -- but I also know that, regardless of how "right" I think I am, I am the one who has to change. I once heard mental health defined as the ego's ability to respond with flexibility to new situations; I hope that here I can be flexible, but I know that I also need courage and selflessness to take on this challenge without feeling resentful towards the people who are demanding it of me. These are the ordinary ups and downs of life, I remind myself, as I remember that for a long time I wasn't brave enough or capable enough of looking my problems in the face. It is a lot easier to down one's sorrows in food or exercise, then to sit quietly with one's anxiety and let it run its course, as I have over the last few weeks. But this is recovery, and I would not have it any other way.